Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
