I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
