I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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