i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
