i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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