meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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