remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
