My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
