I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
