He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
