he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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