I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
