You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
