Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Text me some of your sweat
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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