Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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