is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
