I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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