i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
