i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Less talking, more tequila
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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