wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
