My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
