I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
