nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
