More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
