I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
