My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
