Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
