She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
