I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
