Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
