I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
