Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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