I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
thus making me awesome and them whores
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
