Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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