Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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