If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
