So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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