God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Im part way to drunk.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
