Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
