when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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