You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
