Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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