Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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