this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
