A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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