just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
