Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
