i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
