Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
