I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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